"Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung."
"When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before."
- Mae West
"If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?" - Abraham Lincoln
"Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done."
- Carl Friedrich Gauss, when informed that his wife is dying
"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt."
- Abraham Lincoln
"I married the first man I ever kissed. When I tell this to my children, they just about throw up."
- Barbara Bush
"If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster."
- Clint Eastwood
"Admiration, n. Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves."
- Ambrose Bierce
"If you think that something small cannot make a difference- try going to sleep with a mosquito in the room."
"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body."
- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
- Brooke Shields
"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country."
- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC
"Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead."
- The Warner Brothers (Animaniacs)
"I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it."
"I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter."
"I'm so poor I can't even pay attention."
"You're never too old to do goofy stuff."
- Ward Cleaver
"To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes."
"I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass."